Babalon Vs. The State of Listicles
Artwork by Warhead Art, minor edits by yours truly
We're in that magical time of year in which fans and outlets alike have begun putting out end of the year lists. I grew tired of the practice when I realized that 8/10 times, I was getting advice from a nebulous staff of writers, none of which I knew, on the behest of a magazine which has long stopped curating its music to any discernible consistent taste. While I'm the first (or second, in the opening 100 anyway) to sympathize with the plight of music magazines, I even worked for and contributed to a couple, as a consumer this kills my interest.
But this begged the question - in an optimal world in which anyone cared about what I think and read my blogposts, what could be some changes to make me read a "Best of" the year list?
1. Either choose a single writer per list or have one list and detail who chose what and how. Without either, the reader is forced to assume who and why according to the overall flavor of the magazine. It is, to my opinion, exceedingly rare for a larger and professional magazine to have an established taste. The only one I can think of in English is Bardo Methodology.
2. Narrow your choices. While some may get away with longer lists (Goniloc springs to mind,) it is usually because they listen to an absolutely hilarious amount of music and their choices are still narrowed down. But most times when I see a top 30,40,50, my immediate thought is - no one will listen to that many to give your taste a chance. Especially not this one HEYOOOO
3. Explanations. This kind of goes hand in hand with the last two. It's easier to list a million names if you're just namedropping and if I don't know why you liked a record or who you are, then I have no reason to seek your recommendations nor tools to understand it.
4. Integrity. The hardcore Punk band, must be on every list. No but, if you work with bands and/or are close friends with them, in my opinion you should either annotate that or leave it out. I personally subscribe to the latter form, I feel my unobstructed judgement is all I really have to offer. And the occasional non-sequitur joke. Some might say to not take this shit so seriously, but honestly were we to go down that route, these lists would be even more pointless.
5. If the list is not just a private "my favorites," take into consideration what your list's intent is. I honestly lose my shit when I read an entry of "Top 10 Death Metal Releases of the Year" that starts with " I don't usually listen to death metal." Then why the fuck are you even here Timmy?
6. for the love of fuckmothering Jesus- stop putting side projects of death metal and black metal musicians that aren't metal on metal lists. Like anyone with functioning ears and good taste, I love Wardruna and Perturbator, but if you can't leave the metal wheelhouse to enjoy something then that is firmly on you and should not be accommodated .
7. Don't take into account a band's profile and other reviews. Of course that isn't to say that you shouldn't pick something for it having none or a lot of publicity, but don't intentionally pick things for being underground/mainstream without stating so explicitly.
8. Don't fight people about what they like. This is more about audience participation section but really. Keep in mind, saying you were disappointed and didn't enjoy something is valid and cool. Saying "honk honk, you're an idiot this sucks, please be my friend I'm very lonely" is quite another
9. ??????
10.Include Ritual Death's debut, it kicks ass
Unsolicited Recommendations 3
Run The Jewels 2
While RTJ are by no means new nor unrecognized, they're one of the very few new (9 years is new ...kinda) American rap acts who's music delivers haymakers. Both El-P and Killer Mike have storied and successful back catalogues but once you go RTJ it's hard to go back.
Honestly each of the band's four records has my explicit recommendation but two is my all time favorite. Firstly because I never finished kindergarten and I can't count to three. Secondly because the aggression on songs like Blockbuster Night Part 1 and Oh My Darling Don't Cry beats up most rappers and takes their lunch money.
Tactics Ogre Reborn
Anyone who knows me personally knows that the black circles around my eyes are so vast and dark they look like warpaint. Recently they've been vaster and darker because I can't put this fucking game down and frankly fuck sleep.
I've always loved strategy and RPG games but until recently I was kind of hesitant on Square Enix. Final Fantasy never really spoke to me because I'm not a 12 year old anime eyed boy with spiky hair who gets away with owning a weapon (like they do in Texas) but their strategy games on the Switch have been killing it.
Their most recent one, Ogre Tactics Reborn, is a game that takes a while to settle in. In the beginning it feels like the usual "we are sad anime people in the continent of Not Europe fighting against medieval Nazis" but about 2-3 hours in it takes a turn. The difficulty ramps up and suddenly you're weighing up moves so that you can get that kickass dragon for the next fight, alternating troops to take advantage of different enemy set ups and trying to decide if assassinating a duke will lead Wallister to a better position against Galgistan.
Honestly, being Polish and therefore melancholic and Eastern European, I don't know much about fun, but I'm enjoying myself.
Babalon’s Bands I - The Dutch Masters (God Dethroned)
I know everyone has a bone to pick about a band they think deserves more credit, but I want you to know - every time someone makes a list about the greatest Dutch Death Metal acts and doesn't include God Dethroned, a tulip wilts. Not only that but a heavily tattooed Polish man in New York cries and yells at his computer. But I get ahead of myself.
God Dethroned is a Dutch band hailing from Beilen-a town Wikipedia has assured me exists but I cannot verify this information. About a year and ten months after their demo, Christ Hunt, the band released their debut album called The Christhunt. Except for adding an article and removing a space to make it a much more memorable title, the debut of God Dethroned already gives a hint of what was to come. Whereas their countrymen, Asphyx, appropriately feel almost hammer-like and blunt, God Dethroned's power lies in the polar opposite. They have this Black-Thrash sharpness to them that would place them as comfortably alongside Nifelheim as Possessed.
The band was perhaps in its infancy but lead composer and vocalist Henri Sattler had already started showing his distinct writing style. Might ruffle some feathers here but in my heart, this early day evolution hit its apex with Grand Grimoire. Coming out a whole 5 years and a reunion (or as Metallica would call it, 20 seasons) after their debut, The Grand Grimoire showcases the band hitting their sweet spot. It's where the band first found their optimal footing. Henri's infectious and massive melodies interwoven with breakneck but unique rhythms sound like a cavalry charge.
Two years later, in 1999, the band began releasing material more frequently. They rounded out their early years with another stone cold classic, Bloody Blasphemy. Many of they whose feathers were ruffled a mere 6-7 lines ago would hold up The Christhunt and Bloody Blasphemy as counterarguments to my use of the word "apex." But they're wrong because my taste is better than theirs. That aside, the quality is consistent enough that really, it's mostly a matter of which melodies speak to you the most. It really is almost like judging parts of a painting.
When I said "more frequently" you probably imagined that I was implying their next releases are not as good, but that is not the case. While neither Ravenous nor Into The Lungs of Hell improve upon the first three records and the latter has the cover of a Doom 3D expansion pack, both records feel like they make the band's discography more robust and complete. Both contain many crucial tracks like “Villa Vampiria” and “The Warcult,” but I'd say Into the Lungs of Hell is the first God Dethroned record that doesn't feel wholly indispensable. It's good, but not the imagination sparking goodness that came before or after.
Key after. So A year after Lungs..., the band would release The Lair of the White Worm. The band’s 2004 opus is a masterclass on how to make blackened death metal catchy while maintaining its identity. While The Lair of the White Worm is what I imagine a pornstar calls his jeans, the band use this record to cast us out into fresh waters. The production is more modern but the razor-like sharpness is unmistakeable and relentless. If the first few records had that Morbid Angel sprawl, this album is the early Emperor answer. The scenic playing is larger than life and the drums tastefully serve as the guitar's engine.
To Lair... was borne The Toxic Touch. It is very much the Bloody Blasphemy to Lair's The Grand Grimoire. An excellent followup that, while not revolutionizing the band's sound on the former, extends their repertoire and brings some further stone cold classics to the table. Yes I like the term stone cold classic, sue me.
The next big shakeup was on 2009's Passiondale and here things get complicated. This time the shakeup is lyrical and thematic. God Dethroned put on their pickelhaube (yes I know that's a German helmet and they're Dutch and neutral, relax) and went to the early 1920s. Passiondale itself is one of my favorite albums about World War I and is really a better representation of that conflict than all of the great many we've seen recently. The band's music evokes the grime, the moments of bravery and the ubiquitous death with a faithfulness that matches the fantastic Hail of Bullets and their WWII related releases.
But, to my mind, Passiondale also led the band down the road to its two worst albums, Under the Sign of the Iron Cross and The World Ablaze. The biggest sin of these two albums is that they both feel like waddling. The wealth of imagination and passion (dale) that brought the band to where it was on Passiondale is frankly just absent. If the former felt like grim and poignant storytelling, the latter two feel like the dry documentary version.
I was very disappointed, but then in 2020, I was busy one day trying to decide what shows I wasn't going to when the band hit out with Illuminati. This Jay-Z based concept album is proof that when the band is driven, they can drop apex level music whenever they feel like it. Where do I even start? The guitar work showcases an entirely new side to the band. While still possessing the famous melodies, the rhythms on this record sound lumbering and gigantic. The band delves into all kinds of interesting topics lyrically and doing them justice was always going to be a challenge. They meet this challenge, and fuckin' A, they keep going. The grandeur they manage to bestow on songs like the title track, "Gabriel" and "Eye of Horus" shows, in my humble opinion, why God Dethroned and Henri cannot be left out of any conversations about the Dutch masters. Right up there next to Asphyx, Pestilence, Rembrandt and most importantly, stroopwaffles.
Their new single, "Asmodevs" drops today, and so help me god (dethroned,) I will print this piece on stone tablets and throw them at venues until they get a full fledged US tour.
The Grand Grimoire
The Apology of Caligula
Blood is blood whether it’s shameful or proud
And you best be sure it is parceled and met out
Lest I grow upset
My name is Gaius Augustus Germanicus, Caligula for short
The horned devil who steals for pleasure and murders for sport
It’s your honor to be in my behest
But you should know better
2,000 years and you haven’t learned a thing
It’s about he who dies in poverty and powerless
That poets beatify and sing
Yes I wanted power, every minute and every hour
The only meat never to sour,
But for that you would poke your finger at me?
They say I planned to make a consul of Incitatus
Believe me, I was surrounded by so many murderous bastards
I should have done so more expediently
And I, emperor
You, a mere student, laugh in giddy joy
But I had an empire of millions, all I could’ve wanted
Prey tell, who of us is the man and who’s the boy?
And you compare these paupers to me
Who fly between groups of plebeians so diligently
Not even to me but to this cartoonish effigy
My horse commended far more respect than you or your scrutiny